Single Lifestyle – The Choice Is Yours
As a single person journeys along the pathway of life they have to continuously make choices which will ultimately lead them to, or affect their destiny. In this article I want to look at the lives of some single people and review their choice of lifestyle and its impact on their future. We will look at the choice, consequence and the cure for each lifestyle.
Lifestyle 1: One foot in one foot out
The Choice: James is a new Christian and truly loves God but also he truly loves some of the things he used to do. Before he became a Christian he particularly enjoyed sex. Now he cannot imagine how it is possible to have a relationship that is “God’s Way”!
The Consequence: He may be the father of many babies. He may get a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) and he may experience feelings of guilt and frustration, as he is torn between lifestyles, trying to give up one for the other. The most dangerous Consequence of all is spiritual death.
The Cure: 2 Corinthians 5:17 – James needs to remember he is a new creature. Ephesians 4:22-24 – He needs to put off what is of the old man
In short: face the challenge, think it through, and make that change!
Lifestyle 2: Dress to Tease
The Choice: June loves wearing the latest fashions. She has gone beyond the boundary of the decent into the scanty. She has made up her mind – she will not be an old maid! Therefore she thinks the less she puts on, the more the chances of her being picked.
The Consequence: She will not be taken seriously, and if approached at all, it will be for the wrong reasons. She has made herself a prey for abuse and/or misuse by the wrong man.
The Cure: 1 Timothy 2:9a – June can get a few tips on dressing here. 1 Peter 3:3 – She needs to find her true value. Proverbs 31:25 – The secret to dressing well.
In short: dress well, add value to your life and you will be found by a Boaz!
Lifestyle 3: The Superficial
The Choice: Byron has chosen to focus on the superficial things of life. His second name is Bozo. He enjoys presenting himself as a man of substance but really he is shallow. In depth discussions scare him…after all he might be discovered.
The Consequence: A shallow relationship. An empty lifestyle. A superficial friendship.
The Cure: Matthew 10:16 – Byron is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. 1 Samuel 16:7 – Listen to the Lord, he knows the inside. James 1:8 – You do not want to join your future to instability!
In short: spot him/her… and run for your life!
Lifestyle 4: No Hope
The Choice: Jane did not actually choose to get to this point but because she allowed the cares of life to dictate her emotions, she has now lost hope. Due to no one having spoken to her in five years she can’t see the point in taking care of herself. Doing her hair or makeup is a no-go area.
The Consequence: Whilst inner beauty is of great importance, outside appearance is often assessed first. Other consequences include depression and discouragement as the perpetuation of not being asked continues. Low self-esteem can also manifest as the desire to meet a person is not met.
The Cure: Job 14:14 – Jane needs to keep on waiting patiently for there is an appointed time. If Job had his, she will have hers. Romans 4:21 – God is not a man that He should lie, He is faithful to His word concerning her life
In short: focus on the now and develop self on the way to where you are going
Lifestyle 5: Commitment Phobic
The Choice: Maggie has not been able to close the door on a yesterday relationship. She meditates on it and thinks through it again and again. She does not want to try again for fear of another break up. She claims she is married to Jesus and wants all the ‘satans’ to leave her alone.
The Consequences: She is unable to commit to anyone and because of her fear of involvement many suitors have emotional scars for having dated her. She has become bitter and nothing can make her come out of her fortified tower.
The Cure: Hebrews 12:15 – Free yourself of bitterness, it destroys you and those around. Ephesians 4:23 – Let yesterday die and allow your spirit to be renewed
In short: yesterday is in the grave, tomorrow is in the womb, so seize today and make it count.
Lifestyle 6: Steadfast
The Choice: Joseph is confident on the way to where he is going. He knows he has milestones on the journey and is following his targets one by one. He is a good friend to all, enjoys the atmosphere of worship and serves faithfully in Church. The commitment to God he shows in church is the same at home, where he prays and seeks to know God for himself.
The Consequences: As he walks with the Lord, at the appropriate time, he will see, be seen and propose to the perfect will of God for his life. He will have prepared for her arrival and she will be the Queen of his house, a support to him. Should any difficulty arise, they will both go to the manufacturer – the source who brought them together – God.
The Cure: None prescribed. This is where we all desire to be. In short: With God as the third person in their relationship, they will live happily ever after! So now shall we say: The Choice is yours! To rejoice or to cry. To lift your head up or to bow. To live or to just exist. To live a dream or to live a lie. Seize the day, choose God’s way.
Dating Success Strategies: What Can YOU Bring to a New Relationship?
Today, a lot of emphasis is put on finding ideal qualities in a partner. Everyone is looking for their perfect mate, and they have a list of criteria that outlines just what qualities that perfect mate will have. Everything is included in this list including appearance, financial stability, temperament, goals, ideas, dreams and personality. Unfortunately, many people spend so much time thinking about what the other person will bring to the relationship that they fail to see what they can offer. Worse yet, they fail to prepare themselves and their life in anticipation of being a good mate for their future partner.
When you are on the market for a marriage partner, you should be spending as much time thinking about what you can offer as you do thinking about what you are looking for in a potential mate. This is also the time that you need to make adjustments if you find something about yourself that needs improving.
In order to figure out what you can bring to a new relationship, you need to take a hard look at yourself. And don’t be easy on yourself. Strive to see yourself as the world sees you. Make a list of your strengths and weaknesses. You should also pay attention to these areas in particular:
- Independent – Are you emotionally and financially independent? Are you happy in your single state? Before you can add anything to a relationship, you need to be happy and stable alone. Never look for a relationship to fix problems in your life.
- Selfless – Do you have enough love and time to devote to another human being? There is no room for selfishness in a healthy relationship. So, you have to be sure that you are ready to put someone else’s wishes ahead of your own.
- Ambitious – Do you have goals? Are you working toward those goals? Are you making progress? Keep in mind that your goals do not have to be lofty. You just have to have some goals and be working toward making them come true. If you are aimlessly drifting through life, you will not be able to bring much to a new relationship. You might even latch onto a mate for all the wrong reasons.
- Mild Tempered – Are you a good problem solver? Are you mild and patient or are you easily angered? Your problem solving skills and temperament will determine whether you have a peaceful, loving relationship or a relationship that resembles a train wreck.
Once you begin reflecting on yourself and what you can bring to a relationship, you may find some things about yourself that you do not like. Use this time to make improvements. Strive to become more independent or work on being calm when problems arise. Think about what things you would like for your partner to bring to a relationship and then try to emulate those qualities. Focus on what is lacking in your life and make adjustments instead of trying to find someone else to bring those qualities into your life.
Content and Single? Yes, it’s Possible
Have you ever noticed how some single people seem to be truly happy? They are not out actively looking to change their marital status. And they appear to be more content and settled than their married counterparts. Are they just putting on a good show? Do they seem content to the rest of the world and then go home and sulk in misery? Or is it possible that some single people are perfectly happy with their single state?
The truth is that there are a lot of happy single people. In fact, the majority of single people are relatively content with being single. Sure, they want to get married one day, but that day doesn’t have to be tomorrow. And they don’t worry overmuch about why they haven’t met the perfect person yet.
So, how do they do it? How do content singles stay positive? It’s all about perception and attitude. And they also recognize the following truths about their situation:
- It’s much better to be single and happy than married and miserable. Many singles recognize that marriage does not always bring happiness. Maybe they have friends who are having relationship troubles or have had troubled relationships themselves. Regardless, they know that they can be happy and single until the right person comes along, the person that they can be happy and married with.
- There is plenty of time. Many people seek a mate like there is an expiration date on their ability to get married. Content singles, on the other hand, know that there is plenty of time to meet the right person. They do not have to get married right away or before a certain age. They will get married when the time and person is right.
- Being single opens up a lot of doors. Single people have a lot more opportunity available to them than married couples. They can travel. They can accept an offer for a good job in a city far from home. They can go to school and further their education. They can live cheaply and save a ton of money. Bottom line: They can get a great head start on a bright and successful future.
- Good things come to those who wait. Many singles stay single because they have not found the right person yet. They are confident that if they hold out for the right one, he or she will appear. The hope of an ideal relationship in the future is all that they need to pass up on the mediocre ones they can have now.
Being content and single is not a stretch of the imagination. If you are having trouble being content, perhaps you need to change your own situation. Maybe you are not content with something else in your life and are falsely assuming that you would be happy if you were in a relationship. So, if you find that you are not content, so not look for a mate. Do some soul searching instead.
Relax! Desperate Dating Can Have Devastating Consequences
Everyone wants to be in love. Everyone wants to find that special someone that they can spend the rest of their life with. Sometimes it just happens unexpectedly. Someone catches your eye across the room and you are drawn together instantly. But this type of fairy tale meeting is the exception rather than the norm. For most people, finding a mate is a lengthy process that involves searching, dating, contemplation and elimination. The process usually works quite well; however, if you are desperate to find a mate, there is plenty of room for error.
Why? Desperate daters meet potential mates with blinders on. They are unable to see the flaws that are so obvious to others. They create a false persona and attribute it to the person they are dating. They dream about the future, and that future is always set in a fantasy world that cannot possibly exist or come true because it has been created on false or “dreamed up” data.
Unfortunately, many people have fallen into this trap only to realize their huge errors in mate selection later in life. The truth is that desperate dating never has desirable results. But how can you tell if you are a desperate dater? The following signs will help you determine whether you date with desperation or trepidation:
- Ignoring Facts – Desperate daters tend to ignore facts that are right before their eyes. When something unpleasant about a potential mate is discovered, they sweep it under the rug and act like it doesn’t exist. They only focus on the good qualities that they discover. This can lead to an unbalanced view of the person in question.
- Making Excuses – In addition to ignoring unpleasant qualities, desperate daters tend to make excuses for them. For example: “He only cheated on his ex wife because she was emotionally unavailable and insensitive to his needs. He would never do that to me.” This kind of thinking can leave you heartbroken later on when he does do the same thing to you.
- Rushing to the Finish – Desperate daters have a tendency to rush the relationship. Instead of taking the time to get to know someone and enjoy the dating process, they start dreaming of their wedding day after a few dates. Remember; a person’s true character is revealed over the test of time. Plus, if you rush the relationship, you will miss out on the excitement of getting to know someone and falling in love with them.
When you date someone it is a journey. It is not a now or never proposal. You should never feel desperate or overly anxious. Take your time; get to know someone. Let them reveal themselves to you. See them for who they truly are. Accept them for who they are. Avoid spinning fairy tales. If you do all of this, you will discover a mate for life and not an illusion that will evaporate at the first sign of trouble.
How To Enjoy Single Life
As I woke up this morning I was full of such overwhelming joy. My reason simply was because I was alive. Only a week ago a friend had died under tragic circumstances. When people close to you die you begin to value life more. You also begin to review and reflect upon your own life, asking yourself questions like ‘if I should die today what would people be saying about me?’
Too often we are focused on what we have not got what we want now or what we are yet to receive. So much so we fail to take stock of all we currently have in our lives. If we could just do this and have a heart full of gratitude for all the things God has done in our lives, any sadness we may feel can only turn into joy. After all our lives are in God’s hands and as our heavenly father he only wants the best for us.
My friend who died lived life to the full despite having to go through a serious illness any other challenges. She never complained. She never allowed it to stop her from making the most out of life or being a blessing. She made every minute of her life count. She is now gone but has left a tangible mark on this earth. She set up a foundation before she died and her place of work has dedicated a suite after her. What an amazing life she lived.
I tell you this story just to make you stop for a moment to value the life you have. Irrespective of what your outward condition may be because of Christ that dwells within you, you can overcome. You do not need to allow that circumstance to control you. The word of God tells us we have dominion (Genesis 1:26).
If we therefore apply this to Singleness, it follows dominion can be achieved in this area. There is a song that says count your blessings name them one by one. Count your blessings see what God has done Count your blessing name them one by one and it will surprise you what the Lord has done. Why do you not take time now and do a little exercise of recounting every blessing you have. You will be amazed about how blessed you really. And secondly how we take so many things for granted e.g. in my case, my health!
I hope I have given you food for thought. I would like you to take this a step further and to think about all the opportunities you have as a single. Opportunities that some married people are envious of!
1. PERSONAL FREEDOM – THE ABILITY TO “COME” AND “GO” FREELY WITHOUT HAVING TO ACCOUNT TO ANOTHER PERSON.
The freedom to do what you want, when you want! This is one of the most important gifts a single person has at their disposal; yet it is so often abused. You tend to realise the value of the freedom you have only when it is taken away from you or when you relinquish it. Marriage does not mean you lack freedom. It just means you are accountable to your spouse. Therefore, it is a valuable commodity for a single person. There is power and potential because you do not have to account to anyone unless you choose to.
2. TIME AND SPACE TO ESTABLISH WHO THEY ARE, DISCOVERING THEIR “RAISON DE VIVRE” I.E. WHAT DRIVES THEIR LIFE.
Positive and healthy relationships are based on two people coming together who are complete in themselves. Therefore, in order to have a fulfilling relationship you would need to know your reason and purpose for living. There is power in such knowledge as it helps you to keep focus and not get discouraged from the inevitable trials of life.
3. THE POTENTIAL FOR SPIRITUAL GROWTH, LEARNING, TRAINING AND DEVELOPMENT
Singles have all the time to discover their identity, values, beliefs and philosophy to life. They are also able to study the word and single-mindedly pursue goals for themselves.
4. IT IS THE SEASON IN WHICH TO ESTABLISH THEIR LIFE MAP. WHERE THEY WANT TO GO AND WHAT THEY WANT TO BE
As individuals, we must find the right direction and means in achieving goals. It is important that as a single person, you have a vision and seek fulfilling means in reaching your goals.
5. THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAXIMIZE ONE’S SELF WORTH
Singles most often have the ability to give their all to their chosen aspirations and in so doing live to their full potential in life.
6. FREEDOM TO TRAVEL, DISCOVER CULTURES AND WAYS OF DOING THINGS
Singles are free to pursue interests such as culture, which widens global awareness and improves outlook on world issues.
7. THE UNRESTRICTED ABILITY TO BE A BLESSING TO OTHERS
As a single person, you can maximise your capability of reaching out to people and not take into account certain commitments and responsibilities which married people do.
8. THE GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO NETWORK AND DEVELOP BUSINESS AND SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS
Single people have the opportunity and freedom to form a wide range of relationships as a result of connecting and meeting like-minded people.
9. THE CAPABILITY OF LIVING A FOCUSED LIFE – THE POWER TO FOCUS ON THEIR VISION, CAREER, BUSINESS AND DREAMS
When there are no distractions, you can single-mindedly focus on your career, vision and dreams. You have nobody you need to convince except yourself when you embark upon this.
10. FLEXIBILITY IN TERMS OF CAREER MOVEMENT – A SINGLE PERSON CAN PUT THEIR CAREER DEVELOPMENT INTO OVERDRIVE
Singles have the flexibility to explore opportunities of travelling in order to attain career goals, where necessary. Also to be single-minded in the pursuit of their career is an added bonus. The sky is the limit because there are fewer commitments.
The list is by no means exhaustive as there are other countless ways a single person can enjoy the power and potential of their single status. However, what this does is to give a snapshot of ways in which a single person can enjoy their singleness by acknowledging the advantageous position they are in because they are not married. The sky is the limit for every single person who understands that with God in their lives, they can do all things and in their single status, they have the freedom of choice to aim for the best.
There is no need for a single person to enter the Valley of Regret, visit Discouragement, maintain or sit under the “Poor Me” tree. But rather to acknowledge who they are, face the facts, challenge them and change them in order to be who God ordained them to be: triumphant in every sphere of their life.
Let me know your views by visiting www.singlesstreetlife.com
